Watermelon
Serves more than one, not sure how many, really depends on the melon
Ingredient:
Watermelon
Needed:
Cutting Board
Knife
Spoon/Fork/Spork? (Pick a preferred utensil)
Serving Dish or Bowl
Optional: Melon Scoop
Steps to Prep:
Find the perfect melon by thumping on melons with your forefinger* knuckle. If you hit a mushy spot, SKIP THAT MELON! Continue knocking on melons until you find one that is solid, the perfect size and shape, and a good color…one that you could describe as cute. Buy that melon, and wash it when you get home. Place the melon on your cutting board, and using your largest knife, slice off the end, forming a “bowl.” Proceed to eat the red juicy melon with a spoon/fork/spork straight from this “bowl.” There are multiple ways to cut up and serve the rest of this melon, we won’t review them all. Continue cutting cross-section slices of the watermelon, and then cut those cross-section slices into halves until you get triangular slices to set on your dish. You can then pick these slices up by the rind and eat them. You could also use the melon scoop to scoop watermelon balls out and serve them in a bowl to your quaran-team. Feel free to chop this watermelon up with no rhyme or reason and make a complete and total mess while doing it. It will still taste good, we promise. Don’t put this mess down the garbage disposal, please dispose in your compost or the trash and wash your face.
*Don’t worry, I had to Google that one too. It’s your first/index/pointer finger. Grandma with all the old-school language, ammiright?
Pro-Tip:
If you really want to eat this in bed, we advise you to cover your sheets with a plastic table cloth. Then when you are finished, just take the whole tablecloth to the trash and change your pajamas.
Warning:
Don’t eat the rinds, but if you have horses, they might like them. Be sure not to eat the seeds, I’ve seen women eat them, and then spend the next nine months growing their own watermelon.